… there is always some underlying need which informs and motivates every action we take and every wish we harbor. —  Miki (from the fearlessheart.org 2013)

NEEDS are things or requirements that must be supplied because they are essential or very important to have in order to have a satisfactory life: the supply of which enables us to achieve and maintain such a life. A need is necessary for survival, be that subsistence mode or when a need allows us to live a life of wellbeing and fulfilment.

WANTS are things we wish to possess or actions we wish to take. They tend to be optional rather than necessary for our wellbeing. It is usually accompanied by a strong desire. A want is something we would like.

They need much whom nothing will content. — German proverb

Violence is not the problem; it is a consequence of the problem. — Jim Wallace

We have learned that we are responsible for the choices we make in life. We also know that making decisions and choices is made easier if we are conscious of, understand, and practice our values. On the other hand, moral dilemmas can make it difficult to decide what to do or can even make it difficult to live with a choice we make. Equally though, when we act against the integrity of our values we struggle to commit to, and hence take responsibility for, our choices.  However, it’s the moralistic judgements that can be the bigger problem for us. They tend to make life less satisfying and sometimes downright miserable for all of us.

Moralistic judgements can be expressed as abusive, aggressive language or violent actions. If we think of violence as the hitman in the gang of moralistic judgements, when he shows up we feel worried, upset, or scared for good reason. Someone is likely to get hurt. Violence often accompanies a moralistic judgement when there is a perception of a need not being met. When we feel aggrieved because someone, including ourselves, has not lived up to our moral standards, we can feel justified in giving violent retribution. These attacks include the self-talk in which we participate (I’m hopeless, I’m not good enough, you’re so stupid) as well as humour at the expense of another person. Sadly, though, when violence supports the moralistic judgement it doesn’t end there. Violence carries around with it a transmittable disease that is highly contagious and unless we are immune to it, we too get to pass it on. So, there’s no point in donning boxing gloves to deal with violence. However, an inoculation of our compassionate tongues and ears can stem the spread of this disease — a disease which is violence itself. Does this mean that if needs are met more often, there will be less violence? Let’s find out.

I don’t want expensive gifts; I don’t want to be bought. I have everything I want. I just want someone to be there for me, to make me feel safe and secure. — Princess Diana