For most of us, there comes a time when we realise that we have at least one gift to give to the world.
Often, quite apart from what we are doing in this world, the most important question of all is, what are we here for? We are here for a reason. Although, ostensibly, it appears that we are here for ourselves, it’s important to think about the possibility of being here for others.
We make a living by what we get.
We make a life by what we give. — Winston Churchill
I had written this blog before I began reading Love’s Journey by Michael Gurian. Gurian begins his book about the seasons and stages of a relationship with a delightful story about being asked, when he was a child, the following question by an elderly neighbour “Why are you alive, Michael?” He finally discovered as an adult, that his mission in life, like all of us, was to find and give joy.
It is at this point that we lean forward in our conversation with ourselves, become focussed and particularly engaged. Because, perhaps for the first time, we think that “Hey, this might be possible. I might just be worthwhile, I have something to give that is important. I am worthwhile because I can give”.
It removes us from being self-focussed to being able to consider others in a real way, not just to take them for granted: and then there appears a possibility that life has just become more expansive because we have abundance to share, something to give that will make us feel great through joy in the giving, make us feel important, in fact make us feel important before we even give it, just being affected by the fact that it has all of a sudden become possible to give.
This possibility creates a future, creates some excitement, creates meaning for all of the suffering that we may have been going through, or creates a small bridge from the past to the present by making possible a future. It is like the feeling of gratitude, but it is the feeling of gratitude of others before it has happened but not one that has to be earned as such, but rather out of generosity in the sheer joy of being able to give, that the giving in itself is the reward. This opens up a field wherein we can cultivate this gift, cultivate ourselves, we already begin to sow the seeds in the fertile ground that may have seemed like so much manure, but is in fact the perfect place to grow the gift.
This is common knowledge, everything we conventionally understand about the joy of giving applies at this moment but it has to do with being a gift without being something separate but it has to do with us being ourselves and our skills which we can offer outside of ourselves, to the world.
Much could be said of a philosophical nature in order to fully understand the nature of this enjoyment, of this sense of reward through giving. It’s covered by all of the attempts of philosophers to explain true altruism. But in this instance, the philosopher Daniel Dennett has hit upon the most accessible and, I think, accurate account of altruism in his book Freedom Evolves. For Dennett, altruism is a form of selfishness which he calls “Benselfishness”. It’s a form of selfishness in which the subject understands itself is expanded and its needs are identified as the needs of a larger group such as a family, a circle of friends, a network, a community. Dennett coined this term in honour of Benjamin Franklin’s far-sighted concept of co-operation and hence comment to John Hancock at the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776; “We must indeed all hang together, or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately”.
So, give a little thought about the doing of what you are doing because you are going to give something precious to someone other than yourself. And this is something only you can give because of the combination of both who you are and what knowledge and particular skills and gifts you have in yourself. It may be the joy in and of giving love, in just being yourself, in sharing or co-operation. Whatever it is, look at what is behind the giving:
“Joy!” he cried. “The search for joy! Everyone misses that. Everyone thinks ‘love’ and goodness’ are the keys. They’re the door. Joy is the key that opens the door. If you don’t love with joy in your heart, your love is false. It’s that simple … Do you know what joy is? ... one day you’ll wake up to it. Just remember… to find joy in your life. Will you do that?” — Mr Harrison from Love’s Journey.
